No toenails for two years!


I recently wrote about finally coming to a point where I like myself. And it feels good to be here.  Yet, it wasn't always like this. I treated myself unkindly for more years than any sane person should. What am I talking about? I'm speaking of my chasing cocaines elusive high. Leaving everything I said that I loved behind. More often than not the manner in which I obtained my drugs was on my feet. Walking. Always fu**ing walking. Never giving myself nor my feet any rest. So much so that I would literally bruise the large toenails on both feet. Never gave them the chance to heal. This went on for about 2 years. I look back and wonder how on earth did I survive?  How did I allow myself to embrace a lifestyle that siphoned from my spirit every good thing. That put my body through physical pain and tormenting that I used to wonder about my mental status. Was I crazy? Was I losing my mind? I had no toenails for two years...Just so I could get high. I'm not sure if you're religious or spiritual or whatever, but, as for me, I thank God daily for sparking in me something that said STOP! Stop treating yourself like your trash, that you don't deserve life with quality. That He showed to me how to love myself. One of the first ways I did this was to let my feet heal. (Hallelujah!) And happily today, I can say, this man's feet has both toenail on them.

Liking Me....

I know that this may sound strange to some, but, I like me.
No really.
 I like what I think about. I like what I say. I like what I do.
Yet, for a very long time, I didn't like myself at all. I wasn't really aware of it at the time but there is absolutely no way I could have liked myself considering the things I did to. A person once asked me: "what would you do to someone, that did to you, what you did to yourself?" Helluva of a question, huh? Are we worst to ourselves than others are to us? I don't know about you, but, I was my biggest enemy. Now, I am my biggest friend. Liking me is more than how I feel, though that is where I believe it starts. How I treat me is all that really matters. Cause if I'm likin' myself, then more often than not, I'm going to like you, too...Keeping checking in with me, make sure I'm alright. I'm just scratching the surface of my experiences. When you come on back, I'll share how for 2 years, this man, did not have any toenails.