Love Lifted Me

Eventually, the knowledge that my Dad was dying, was a major cause in my making the decision to change my life, to change the way I lived. I say eventually because I was aware that he was very sick for quite some time and still made no real effort to see him. Oh, I loved my Dad. But at the time, I loved my drugs even more. And if it wasn't for the diligence and concern of my family, I think that there is a very real chance I could still be out there, living for and loving my drugs.
So I guess when his health took a turn for the worse, my family collectively said - in so many words - enough is enough!! They came and They got me. Where was I gotten' from? Well, I like to call it "The Center of the Abyss". But actually on a map its called North Hills, Ca., located in the San Fernando Valley. Once upon a time its greatest commodity used to be drugs and prostitution. Yet even though it wasn't the same place it used to be, didn't stop me from hanging around. It was a place that I chose to frequent - off and on - for 21 years!
So my family had to do for me what I could not do for myself: They came and got my stupid-ass. My baby brother flew out form Japan armed with only 2 knives, my only child (He's 21) and a promise that he made to our dying father that he would find me.
They even went on the side of the 405 fwy (offramp Roscoe Bl) where I frequently slept, looking for me...On the side of the freeway...for me! That's love.
And that is what ultimately broke me.
But, it was my ex-wife, who, having been expose to my drug usage(over-exposed, actually. That's why she's my ex) and having an idea of my drug related meanderings, who found me. She sat right in the parking-lot where the busiest of drug activity took place. She was asked by family, my son included, not to go out by herself looking for me. Especially at 12:30 at night. But she went. You know, to get my stupid-ass. Cause before she left the house, she prayed. And she found me. And even though she went by herself...But she didn't go alone.


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