Feels Like A Lifetime...

I've been away for a while and a gnawing guilt eats at me. Why? Cause I understand that in these pages lies something deeper than even I can phathom.
But life shows up. And considering I practice being responsible, daily, I must respond accordingly. One of life's responses was welcoming into this world my first grandchild.
Yes. When I mention this chills cover my skin. Will that ever stop?


Anyway, like I was saying, I must write. I must. On this vehicle of communication is the opportunity to speak about things that, in general, most people don't even want to hear. But, I get that though.

Like the other day I was taking the kids on a nature hike behing the house. Man, we saw cotton-tail rabbits, quail and a very-long-snake leisurely crossing the trail. It was a very startling sight to the children. Some with fascination and some with fear. But it was the next thing I saw that caused my stomach to flip. After the, "eewww" and the "wows" over the snake, we came upon a camp, obvious even to the smallest child, that once belonged to someone homeless. And I saw myself.

I saw a filthy mattress and discarded cans of some food. I saw a chair that no one would sit and blankets, crusty, that smelled from the distance I stood. A backpack and clothes with more dirt than the original cloth it was made with. I saw a place where someone lonely and hurting and full of shamed slepted. Someone who disappointed loved ones and sabotaged every success that came their way. A person that the only thing they knew about hope, was the way it was spelled. I saw myself. And I was startled as if a venemous snake was thrust in my face. I had almost forgotten what it looked like to see such pitiful living quarters. It felt like a lifetime ago.

I mean I'm holding grandbaby's now and doing home improvement. I'm working all day and filling in wherever my family needs me to. How could I've forgotten about a life I lived longer than the life I live now? Well, I guess (actually I know!) that God is very good and He gives what is needed exactly when it is needed. Cause it brought me back to these pages. Writing about things that I need to write about. So I'll never forget about feeling the way I used to... and the places I never again want to go.